Changes

I can feel change starting to happen in my life right now. Yesterday on my way home from work a new song I like came on the radio. I turned the radio up (to drown out my horrible singing) and just let myself sing and enjoy it. Halfway through the song I realized that was the first time I had done that since losing Christian. I actually felt a few moments of joy. Then I said aloud I wonder if you are happy that mommy is happy. So the song was over and I was feeling pretty good then for some strange reason the radio station screwed up and played the SAME song AGAIN. It made my heart stop. I just had this image in my head of him sitting up there with God smiling down at me. I realized that Christian probably doesn’t want me to mope around being sad all the time.

I went to a meeting last night and shared that story and I got to share him with some of my friends who I haven’t been able to before. His short little life has touched so many people. I am really grateful today for the short time I had with him. When I got home and checked the mail his baptism certificate had come. I cried of course, but I was very happy to have all of his things together now. Wes sent a picture of the box he is making for Christian and it looks like it is almost done. It is so beautiful. Thank you Carrie for giving up your garage for awhile. Love you Shug

I went to the Dr this morning for my last postpartum checkup. He told me I was physically ready to start trying again. He also talked about the precautions we will take when/if it does happen again. The thought of being pregnant again scares me to death. I told Vic what the Dr said and of course he is excited even if it is just practice and not with purpose. J  After my appt I called Mom and she told me about my cousin who is pregnant right now and guess what TWINS!! So for all my sweet little mommies-to-be I am praying like crazy and can't wait for our lives to change yet again.